Snakes in a Drain?

A San Diego woman found a special surprise in her toilet the other day. Reportedly, it was a 5 and a half foot boa constrictor.

The AP says “How it got in the toilet remains a mystery.”

Snakes in a drain are not a good idea. Perhaps you think “yay, I can get rid of this snake!” Not down the drain.

Only with fire shall we be saved from the snakepocalypse, freedom fighters.

Fight on.


If you have any question why we must oppose our coming snake overlords, check these images and video from Australia of a bad-ass snake who swallows a whole crocodile.

Are you as bad-ass as the average crocodile?

The snake menace must be stopped.

Snake Fifth Column in Decline in Georgia

From Georgia, we have reports of a critical Fifth Column in the war on snakes — and a precipitous decline in their strength.

Non-venomous king snakes, while snakes, actually eat more evil snakes, like the copperhead. By reducing the population, they serve as a stealthy ally for snake haters in the southeast United States.

However, their population is in decline, per the Savannah Morning News. Researchers do not know why the king snake population is in decline, but they see the king snake’s “indiscriminate” dining habits as useful for the control of venomous snake populations, and possibly useful to humans.

We don’t like snakes. But a snake that eats other snakes but can’t kill us? We’ll ally with them in a limited way, much like how the United States allied with Stalin during WWII.

Snake-Fondling Pastor Dies in Kentucky

Turns out there are actual churches in Kentucky in which handling venomous snakes is essential to worship. Clearly, the snakes have found willing sycophants in this church. They follow a statement in the Gospel of Mark, 16:18:

they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.

Well, in Kentucky, the pastor got bit. Apparently, drinking deadly poison is okay, but getting bit has a bad end. The pastor died.

Kentucky has a 1942 law prohibiting the use of reptiles in religious services. However, officials are not going to press charges or take action against this snake-loving church. Meanwhile, Kentucky allows residents to possess up to five species of native reptiles or amphibians for personal use without a permit. The statute does not apparently limit how many of each species can be owned.

The son of the pastor who died has since been getting friendly with the killer snake. While we celebrate religious freedom, we are concerned that this is another attack vector for the coming snakepocalypse and urge all to use full caution in following beliefs encouraging snake love.


Hundreds of Snakes Found in Teacher’s Home

A recent report from California tells us the awful tale of an elementary school teacher who entered the thrall of our wannabe snake overlords. William Fredrick Buchman (note the three names, like a serial killer) was a 6th grade teacher who was found to have hundreds of mostly dead and dying ball pythons in his home.

Now, certainly, maybe he was a freedom fighter, containing the threat and eliminating it. But he created epic stench for his neighbors, who became suspicious/grossed out.

Many of the still-live snakes were hungry. There were mice and rats in cages for feeding, but instead the rodents were engaging in cannibalism.

California officials, being a bunch of hippies, are looking for “loving” homes for the surviving snakes. Don’t sign us up as adoptive snake-lovers.

Snake-Owning Couple Tried for Manslaughter

After their python tried to eat their 2-year-old, a couple is now on trial for manslaughter for allowing the python to kill the child.

The snake was apparently malnourished, and saw the 2-year-old as a delicious cut of meat. The snake had escaped from its cage in the trailer home repeatedly previously and had not been fed in weeks.

If convicted of manslaughter, third-degree murder and child neglect, the couple could be sentenced to 35 years in prison.

This is also why snakes + babies are a bad, bad idea. PEOPLE.

Snakes in New York!

A cobra has escaped from the Bronx Zoo and is loose and fancy free in New York City!

Okay, maybe not loose. They think it’s in the Reptile House, which is on lockdown. But they haven’t FOUND the bugger yet, so it’s not exactly as though they know for sure where it is. It could be on the subway, heading for somewhere with many delicious tourists. You can’t know until they find it.

PANIC NOW. Panic hard.

Raleigh Snake Ally Coddles Invasive Snakes

A 21-year-old in Raleigh, NC, has willingly become a snake ally by opening a refuge for snakes in his apartment.

On the plus side, these snakes are not being released into the woods, into sewers or into daycare centers to eat innocent babies. He prefers snakes to dogs.

You have to wonder if this kid’s neighbors know he has 3 snakes, pending more, in their apartment complex.

USGS Studies Potential Python Perils

The US Geological Survey published a study identifying challenges in using computer models to predict the potential of pythons to spread across portions of the United States.

Different studies have estimated the risk of python invasion to cover anywhere from the southern third of the United States to just that area of Florida where snakes already reign supreme. It appears that the USGS believes some studies are underestimating the range for potential python invasion.

Meanwhile, in Florida, the burmese python unexpectedly weathered recent freezing temperatures far better than anticipated. Wildlife officials are now routinely pulling snakes off canal levees, including a 13 1/2 foot male python. Clearly, we need to rely on far more than merely climate to fight the snake menace.

Snake Smuggling Thwarted in Thailand

MSNBC reports that a man attempting to smuggle a virtual zoo in three checked bags was thwarted by airport security in Bangkok. We salute these security superheroes, for among the boggling number of animals being smuggled were 42 snakes. Yep: FORTY TWO SNAKES. The list:

  • 34 ball pythons
  • 2 boa constrictors
  • 2 corn snakes
  • 2 king snakes
  • 1 milk snake
  • 1 hog nosed snake

Naturally, this was all in violation of lots of laws and the gentleman is in custody waiting for the book to be thrown at him. The snakes are also in custody.